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Painful Memory Contains Lessons
From the Principal…
My mother met a lady recently who said she rode the bus with me when we were in school. She was being bullied by some boys and said I intervened to make them stop. She asked my mother to tell me she never forgot this. I was pleased to hear that I did the right thing in that situation but had no memory of the event.
Unfortunately, I have a clear memory of another event from those years. While sitting in a football stadium visiting with friends, the subject of a new student came up. There was some laughter about the person and I chimed in with a cutting comment that drew more laughter. A moment later I realized the person who was the target of our laughter was sitting in front of us and heard every word. She did not react but quietly moved down a few rows. I sat there feeling sick.
If I had said something as simple as, “She’s cool,” that might have dampened the comments and laughter. But no, I was more interested in fitting in than protecting the feelings of others. I was not an “up stander.”
Why do I remember this event after so many years? It still stings as if it happened yesterday. I’ve never shared this story with anyone until now, but this memory contains lessons that I continue to learn from today.
1. Speak kind words to others. Stop and think before saying something critical. There are times when it’s appropriate to be critical of ideas. But, it’s possible to be critical of ideas without being critical of people.
2. Treat others as you want to be treated.
3. When someone is being hurt, try to be an “up stander” rather than a bystander or participant.
We all make mistakes, but it’s important to learn from them, even the embarrassing and painful ones. Saying something hurtful toward someone may become a painful memory we regret. My hope is that the kindness we show others will be remembered and shared for years to come.
Anna and Taylor Wedding
I’ve never been “father of the bride” before, but it was a joyful experience. Taylor is exactly the type of young man every father hopes his daughter will bring home. We’ve watched Taylor’s and Anna’s love for each other grow over the last two years. As a matter of fact, the wedding was exactly two years after their first date.
We’re proud to welcome Taylor into our family and appreciate the acceptance Anna feels from Taylor’s family. We’re also thankful for the support of their wonderful circle of friends.
Ashton-Scott Home in Scott, AR
Originally built in the early 1800s.
The location was excellent. We did find it a little funny that most doors wouldn’t close due to settling of the old home.
The rental included access to all serving dishes, kitchen, dressing areas, and the grounds.
The rehearsal was a fun experience for everyone.
Pastor Matt Carpenter had a relaxed and worshipful approach to the rehearsal which worked well. The band had a humorous approach which also worked well but made us wonder what songs they would actually be playing. During the ceremony, they were pros all the way. The music was beautiful and in good taste.
The band
Rehearsal dinner was a relaxing time with great food (especially the grilled chicken).
The 79-year old owner of the home commented that the meal was better than most she had seen catered. A friend of the couple grilled chicken. Everything was delicious! We noticed the homeowner talking the chef out of his chicken recipe.
Preparing the rehearsal dinner. The homeowner is picking up a new recipe from the grill master.
Rachel and her husband with Anna’s sister, Christen standing near.
Pastor Matt mentioned that Rachel and Anna were inseparable when they arrived at UCA. They both became involved in missions and grew tremendously. What Matt didn’t know was that Rachel and Anna were actually inseparable since sixth grade when Anna arrived in Alma.
Notice the Off on the table (a necessity).
Amazing group of young people.
Beginning the long walk with my beautiful Anna. Suzy Ferguson took this picture.
A parting hug before giving Anna to Taylor. Photo by Elizabeth Sneed
Parents, grandparents, and relatives looking on during the ceremony. Photo by Elizabeth Sneed
Photo by Elizabeth Sneed
Anna and the bridesmaids. Christen, Anna’s sister, is fourth from the left.
I left all cameras and my cell phone in the car for the duration of the wedding ceremony. Afterwards, I rushed to the car, grabbed my camera, and caught some pictures as the groups posed for photographer Elizabeth Sneed. She was a friend of the couple and did a great job. I stayed out of her way and caught pics where I could. I mentioned to her that this seemed to have much in common with wildlife photography.
Lizzie, the photographer, asked for a silly pose.
Garrett, Taylor’s older brother, taking pictures of Taylor and his friends.
It was great to see a group of young men so supportive of each other. Several of them had been friends with Taylor since childhood.
Wedding reception.
Wedding reception.
Pleased that both parties had grandparents present.
Pops (standing), Taylor’s grandfather, was telling Anna’s grandparents about his six-dollar wedding which has lasted 50+years. Anna’s grandfather shared a nickel phone call with his college roommate so they could ask two girls out at once. He and Anna’s grandmother often comment that they got all of this for a nickel. They’ve been married 63 years.
A big thank you to Aunt Martha and Larry for helping Anna’s grandparents get to the wedding. Meant a lot to us all to have them there.
Lucy and Aunt Missy made the drive from Dallas for the wedding.
Bridesmaids and groomsmen helped in many ways.
Some of those in attendance didn’t think these bridesmaids should have access to sharp utensils. Everyone seemed to have a task and know what their responsibilities were. This wedding was very much centered on the organization and work of the many young people who participated. Great team and fun to watch!
Tossing the bouquet.
Venusa, Anna’s friend in Alma and at UCA, can be seen reaching for the bouquet on the front row. It was a treat to see some of Anna’s long-time friends. We were thankful that she found a positive peer group when she arrived at Alma in the 6th grade. Lots of lasting friendships!
Posing for pictures with the groom.
Games were a hit at the reception.
Time for dancing and some silliness, too.
Anna and Taylor Lucas
Photo by Elizabeth Sneed
Cliches of Teaching Still Relevant
Cliches of Teaching by Elsie Warnock
My mother wrote this small book for me as a graduation gift in 1978. It still sits on my office bookshelf and I have referred to it often during my time as a teacher and then principal. I’m astonished at how relevant it has remained over the years.
I treasure this little book and have been concerned that there is no backup copy so I scanned the pages originally typed by my mother on her typewriter in 1978. You may view the text from the following link.
Cliches of Teaching by Elsie Warnock
Character Matters
Taylor called to see if he might come for a visit one weekend. He said it was so he could get to know us better. I told my wife he was wondering what type of family he might be getting mixed up with and wanted to check us out.
During his visit, we hiked a local trail and came upon a policeman who was hiking on his day off. I introduced Taylor as my younger daughter, Anna’s, boyfriend. I mentioned that he was obviously a good guy or we would have already had an “accident” on the trail. Later that day we enjoyed browsing through family photo albums while my wife and I told stories about Anna.
A few weeks later, Taylor called to see if he could drop by. That evening he asked what we thought about his asking Anna to marry him. I told him we’d be honored to have him as a son-in-law.
Visiting with my future son-in-law, I was not thinking, “What was Taylor’s GPA?” or “How did he score on the ACT?” I didn’t worry about what degree he was pursuing, though I was pleased that he was in his last semester at UCA. My first thoughts were related to character traits. I needed to know that this young man who would partner with my daughter for life had integrity, persistence, kindness, generosity, and courage.
During April and May I often respond to online reference forms for interns who’ve recently completed their degree. It pleases me when I’m able to describe a candidate as a person of good character who demonstrates positive core beliefs.
A few years ago after interviewing several teaching candidates, I called a grocery store to check references on a prospective first year teacher. After many calls, I reached the manager who described the candidate as dependable and honest. She came in early and stayed late if necessary. She was careful and trustworthy and her cash register was always right. I hired the young lady and she quickly became an outstanding teacher on our staff. I may have had other candidates equal in academic or technical skill but, I selected her because of what I learned about her work-ethic and character.
Bob Watson, Superintendent, El Dorado School District
I worked for Bob Watson, an inspiring communicator with a keen sense of humor. He did what was right even when it was unpopular to do so. I felt great confidence as a young principal working under his leadership because of his strong moral foundation. Fourteen years ago while looking at moving to Alma, I made several “reference calls” on Charles B. Dyer before making my decision. I didn’t ask about his knowledge of school finance or legislation. My questions were about his character. I learned you always knew where you stood with Mr. Dyer and that others could rely on him to do what he said he would do. He was committed to his family and coworkers. Knowing he had these qualities gave my family the confidence we needed to make this move. I am pleased to say these same characteristics are demonstrated in David Woolly who worked alongside Mr. Dyer for years before moving into the superintendent’s position. Mr. Woolly and other district level administrators are intelligent but more importantly, they are hard workers and people I can trust.
Mr. Dyer speaking to the Arkansas Association of Elementary School Principals.
As a member of the AAEA, I’ve had the privilege of working with Kellar Noggle, Tom Kimbrell, and Richard Abernathy. These leaders are all smart and great educators but, without their strong character traits, the AAEA would not have the impact it does today. They’ve shown good judgment and were astute in navigating political environments while staying focused on the needs of children and educators. The credibility of the AAEA is directly related to the integrity of these executive directors and the membership they represent.
Kellar Noggle (left) visiting with former co-workers at the AAEA Annual Conference.
Whether selecting an employee, a boss, or an organizational leader, character trumps intelligence, knowledge, and skills. When faced with a future son-in-law beginning a lifetime with your daughter, character matters more than academic achievement. When the position is one of importance and influences the happiness and success of others, character is key. As we pursue high achievement for our students, we must never lose sight of the importance of helping children become kind, generous, hardworking, and trustworthy.
Written for the June issue of the Arkansas Association of Educational Administrators newsletter.
Anna & Taylor
Alma Intermediate School Newsletter for May, 2014
Alma Intermediate School Newsletter for May, 2014
Click to open newsletter or paste the address below into search window.
Click to access News_Alma_Intermediate_0514.pdf
What Stories Will They Tell Themselves?
Fellow hiker crossing a swollen Spirits Creek. One of the two photos from a rainy day.
Day three of a backpacking trip in December was cold and wet. It was also the day I found that my old raincoat was no longer waterproof. Early that morning we crossed a swollen Sprits Creek on the Ozark Highlands Trail. I took two photos, packed my camera away in a waterproof stuff sack, and never took it out again for the rest of the day.
That day was not eventful other than that scary early morning creek crossing. We just hunkered down and walked through thirteen miles of cold and constant rain. Being a compulsive photographer, I have 40-50 pictures from every other day yet, my memories of that third day with only two photos are among my most vivid. I would later see that cold day as one of several peak experiences on that thirteen night trip.
Two later events stick out in my memory. The first was a beautiful sunny day when we climbed up the Narrows (sometimes called the “Narrs”). It was like a sidewalk in the sky with sheer bluffs on either side. Views of “skull bluff” and the Buffalo River far below were a thrill to see.
View of Skull Bluff from the “Narrs.”
On our next to the last day, we were within the last ten miles of our 180-mile trek when we realized we were off course. We like to say we weren’t lost, just confused for an hour or so. We backtracked and discovered our route with great relief because daylight was growing short. That night we camped in a beautiful cedar grove close to Collier Homestead. This experience of being “lost” and then found formed another peak experience.
Collier Homestead
On our last day, I walked slowly, not from fatigue but from a desire to make the experience last. We even added a couple of miles that were not part of our original itinerary because we wanted more time on the trail. Every step felt like a special gift. I found myself mentally planning my next trip, already excited about tackling another trail.
The memory of that pleasant last day and those earlier “peak” experiences became a lens through which I viewed the totality of that winter backpacking trip. Nobel Prize winner Daniel Kahneman describes this phenomenon as the “Peak/End Rule.” He explains that each of us has an “experiencing self” and a “remembering self.” Our “experiencing self” lives in the present. Our “remembering self” determines how we interpret experiences based on a few peak events and how the experience ends. The interpretations of our “remembering self” also influence future decisions.
With this “peak/ending rule” in mind, the month of May becomes critical in schools. We sometimes hear phrases like “winding down the year” or “coasting to the end” but these are destructive approaches. These last weeks have a strong impact on how our students remember the totality of this school year and future decisions about learning.
I have very clear memories of my worst teacher. The “peak” experiences in her classroom were periodic emotional outbursts and strong negative messages. There were no community building rituals or end-of-year celebrations. Fortunately her negative impact was somewhat mitigated by good teachers. My fourth grade teacher, Ms. Break, supplied memorable “peak” experiences as she performed oral readings for our class or connected with us as individuals when coaching us on schoolwork. While she had a stern streak, I have only fond memories of her. Years later as an adult, I would greet Ms. Break as if I were still in elementary school, so excited to see my teacher. I remember fourth grade as a good year.
Ms. Break, fourth grade teacher
Daniel Kahneman says, “The remembering self is a storyteller. And that really starts with a basic response of our memories – it starts immediately. Our memory tells us stories, that is, what we get to keep from our experiences is a story.” Look for opportunities to create peak and positive ending experiences so the learners in your school will tell themselves positive stories about this year. The results will be students and adults who are excited about continuing their learning this summer and into next year. Students and teachers will remember you favorably, but more importantly, you might shape future decisions about learning that will impact many lives for years to come.
Written for the May issue of the Arkansas Association of Educational Administrators’ newsletter.
Second picture from day three.
Two Ministers of Sorts
This is a short interview and song from two great thinkers. I first learned of Parker Palmer during one of my first experiences with the Arkansas Leadership Academy. His book, Courage to Teach, was available to us that week. I found myself underlining like crazy and identifying with many of Dr. Palmer’s struggles in teaching. I’ve come to think of Palmer as a minister of sorts because he challenges me to be congruent in my thinking and actions. He also challenges me to be more understanding of others, their stories, and their struggles.
I can’t remember how I learned of Carrie Newcomer’s music but suspect her name was mentioned during a talk Parker Palmer gave at a conference I attended several years ago. Carrie Newcomer writes songs that draw out the significance of everyday events. She is a minister of music for me because her lyrics instruct and sometimes have a healing effect.
Carrie Newcomer and Parker Palmer
Principal Notes 